What I Wish My Mom Knew

Day 23 of 31

A few posts ago I wrote a slice called, I Wish You Knew. It was a piece that expressed all the great things about my daughter that I wish her birth mother knew. As I sat down to write today’s slice I started thinking about my own mother and all the things I wish she knew. I have had a complicated relationship with my mother. She started out ok-ish but somewhere along the way she went off the rails and possibly suffered from some type of low level mental illness. She currently has dementia but even if she didn’t I would not share this with her. My intent is not to hurt her feelings but instead to express my own feelings.

I Wish You Knew…

I wish you knew that when I was little I would listen for you to get up in the morning and sneak out so that I could spend time with you alone

I wish you knew that I liked it when you made clothes for my Barbies

I wish you knew that I appreciated how hard you worked as a single mom

I wish you knew that I never wanted you to have a hard life

I wish you knew that you had the power to create an easier life, although maybe you didn’t see that

I wish you knew that I went to college because that was my way out

I wish you knew that I would exhale when you would leave for work

I wish you knew that I would hear the car pull into the driveway and hold my breath

I wish you knew that to this day I can hear you coming home from work and screaming at us

I wish you knew that I was afraid of you

I wish you knew that I wonder if you experienced trauma when you were younger

I wish you knew that I relate well to others who have experienced difficult moms

I wish you knew that you taught me to be a mom by showing me what not to do

I wish you knew that my humor and resilience is a result of my interactions with you

I wish you knew that I am no longer afraid of you

I wish you knew that I see how difficult your life journey has been

10 thoughts on “What I Wish My Mom Knew

  1. Those who have a complicated relationship past or present with their mothers belong to a club they wish they didn’t have membership to. I’ve learned to accept the things I can’t change and try to be the mom I wish I had. It does make me grieve some.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, I am eerily impressed at how similar your description of your mom is to my own. I have been thinking about doing some writing around my mom, but I do not think I am as brave as you yet. Your craft and repetition was spot on. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have been thinking about writing around my mom for years and to be honest I almost didn’t post this but I really do believe that many of us have the same thoughts inside our heads but we tend to just keep them there. You could always write and not show it to anyone.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Well done, friend! You know I am sitting here nodding my head at some of those thoughts regarding your mother. I get it. No judgment. Your intentions are pure…let others know they are not alone in this heartbreaking and frustrating relationship with their mothers and to not share this information with your mother with who couldn’t possibly do anything productive with it…dementia or no dementia.

    Like

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